i can't believe i get drunk so easily. what, dizzy with two bottles. i need practice. i've lost my skills.

i'm dizzy already. i want to stop for damage control but i have to go on. because every time i drink, it's with him. every time i drink with him, i feel this tremendous hurt i've buried coming back to haunt me. i go on rewind and the scars turn back into the gaping wounds i thought i've covered up. the heart i've pieced together after 6 years is falling apart again. i have to drink more. maybe if i do, this hurt will go away. maybe if i do, i'd forget all over again. maybe if i do, i'd be too dizzy to feel anything else, and too sick to care.

if only i could.